I'm An Environmentalist

First of all, I would like to apologize for my two week hiatus from this blog; it can be quite difficult to get a signal from in here. I would like to say that not much has changed, but there have been some significant changes over the last two weeks which require my attention. Although I am attempting to maintain a healthy diet, the gallons of ice cream the woman, to whom I am connected and henceforth will refer to as mother, eats every night has brought on a layer of unneeded and unwanted fat. My only recourse is to kick her, which she strangely seems to enjoy; she often calls the loud man, henceforth known as father, over to mock me. Still if I apply pressure at the right area, I can send mother to the bathroom quite abruptly; I am able to accomplish this feat at least ten times a day, and several more times during the night.

Most of my day is still spent playing with my umbilical cord, kicking mother, rolling around, and surfing the internet. Despite having made no changes to the fortress, it continues to shrink. It is because of this that I am starting to think that this world may not be habitable forever. I will continue to study my habitat and how my existence affects it. It is quite possible that the ice cream I am often fed may be having an adverse effect on the environment. According to mother, it is affecting her physical appearance, but father seems to think that is “crazy talk.” I must discover the cause of these changes or I am surely doomed. My survival depends on either saving the planet, or finding a new one in which to live.